"You just saw 10,000 BC didn't you?"

Having gotten my money back and thus not paid anything to see the film, which means I wasted only my time seeing it, I'm here to give you some thoughtful analysis. What does the film have? Camilla Belle, spears, a tiger, wooly mammoths, giant man eating ostriches, and even an alien. How could anyone mess that up?

Well, leave it to Roland Emmerich, the director who over-imagined Godzilla to do just that. Hell, the alien being responsible for building the pyramids is even ripped right out of the plot of Stargate, an infinitely more interesting and creative film, which this same director wrote and directed! It's pretty low that he has to steal from his own past material to craft the backbone of this film.

There are definite hints of a screenwriter's intent of having genuine caveman speak in the script, but then he was overruled by people who couldn't figure out just what the hell they were saying., Thus, we're treated to cavemen who speak perfect, modern English. Now, I understand taking some license with films set in exotic places or times, like a film set in France not being in all French for example, because it's an American film. But here, they draw attention to themselves by trying to insert various caveman terms that just fall flat in context with the way the characters speak most of the time. Referring to snow as "white rain" is just one of the earliest examples of how the film paints the cavemen as simpletons, while later in the film that same caveman figures out how to use the stars to navigate, and delivers an eloquent speech about fighting as one, presumably thousands of years before Maximus himself did the very same. I think it would've been great if the cavemen all talked like Frasier, for example:

"I dare say, those cumulus clouds above might be indicative of an oncoming snow storm, or perhaps a squall."

"Indeed, Tik-Tik, perhaps we might hunt a Mammuthus primigenius so we might use its furs to provide our people with sustenance and fashionable attire?"

"I couldn't agree more. Good show, chum."

None of the actors in the film standout as being horrible or outstanding. Even Camilla Belle whose performance in the Ballad of Jack and Rose (with There Will Be Blood heavy Daniel Day-Lewis) won her critical acclaim is rather subdued, and I suspect she only did this film in an effort to get some more mainstream exposure. Too bad for her that now she's associated with one of the worst film's I've seen not on the Sci-fi channel.

This entire film is wrapped in mysticism which itself isn't bad. But when your entire plot is driven by not one, not two, but three separate prophecies, you just start to confuse the hell out of your audience. "The one who kills the mammoth on the last hunt gets the girl", "the one who speaks to the spear tooth…does something", and "the one with the constellation mark or whatever will lead the hunter to kill the crazy alien/Atlantean". I mean come on. What if one of these prophecies had been false?

None of the action is worth the price of admission. The film reeks of being an attempt to duplicate the success of other films. You have the ostrich attack to evoke Jurassic Park (which, again Emmerich is stealing from himself, as he attempted the same with the baby Godzillas in Godzilla), the leader with a natural gift for speeches and well timed wit (Braveheart, Gladiator, The Patriot, etc…again Emmerich steals from himself, he directed The Patriot), and of course the aforementioned alien/Atlantean being responsible for enslaving primitive humans and forcing them to build the pyramids (ripped right out of Stargate, Emmerich's best film, in my opinion).

Another area this film stretches credibility is the supposed geographical layout the characters traverse. One scene they're in the mountains in the snow, the next a lush jungle, and last in a desert (presumably Egypt). From this I guess we can assume they're in Africa, but the transitions between these areas could've been handled better.

The only compliment I have to offer the film is that at one point, when they meet a tribe of Africans one of them speaks English, and I thought, "how are they speaking the same language?" but one of the characters immediately asked that question. This is obviously dubious praise, because it's the only good thing I have to say about the film aside from the fact that I didn't have to pay for it.